Hardship in the face of art

I feel so defeated.

Nothing quite beats a major dissapointment like having to hear that it ain't over yet. I'm doing a project that depends on peoples participation, but for some reason, people don't want to do anything unless they get paid or rewarded in some way. It's how we're wired I guess.

The project is a steel sculpture. The subject is the future. So I figured if I could get a lot of people to contribute to it at bi-annual events, it would never end and thus be a symbol of the future. Much easier said than done, my friends.

I advertised to some extent, set up my 'lil spot (that took me about 2 and a half hours) then this guy came and peered over one of my walls and said that I couldn't weld in there. 2 and a half hours of worrying, panicking  trying to get it done in time...for nothing. As if things couldn't get worse, no one showed up. Some of my friends chose things to be welded to cheer me up, it didn't work. I wanted to kill this thing, it isn't alive and it isn't killable, but I wanted to kill it for making me feel so horrible.

This was on Tuesday, so today I came up with a better idea. To take my idea to the people. I would walk around with some scrap metal in a box and a photo of the sculpture. Then I would ask people to choose a piece and where on the sculpture they would like to place it. My lecturer didn't like that idea. It's not the same as luring people and having them participate because they are interested. So now I have to get people to believe that they want to do something and then get them to actually do it. Does lemonade and cake sound alluring enough?

This project is due for tomorrow 8:30, but there's no way I would have been able to pull that off. My lecturer was nice enough to give me an extra day to sort my stuff out (bless her soul). It's quite ironic though. I was amped to do this when i first came up with the idea and I think that that's the only reason that she let me go through with it. Now I want to dump the whole thing and she has to convince me to continue with it. I really want this to succeed. I think that I need to go out more; my studies are all I have right now, so if something goes wrong with a project I react like it's the end of the world. I act that way, because for me it is. I have nothing else.

This project did make me realize hoe important friends are. I called my best friend (who i haven't seen in a few months), because I really just needed someone to help me with this whole thing. Without a moment's hesitation she volunteered to help make ads and to bake a cake. Almost immediately it felt like I wasn't so alone anymore, that someone cares.

I really need to go visit my parents, I feel emotionally and spiritually drained. Lets hope that tomorrow is a success, I don't want a project to ruin my hibernation weekend. Hibernation that my mind and body really need right now.